Last night I went out on a terrible date and I would like to tell you how it went. Maybe I'll even tell you how it ended.
This paragraph is indented for no reason. So as the sentence above said, I'm going to tell you about my date with Shanodi. First off I’ll tell you that she doesn’t find it very funny that I called her Biscotti for the last half of the evening. MOVING FORWARD, It was dog dicks from the get-go, apparently 3:23PM (Mountain Standard Time) is “too early for dinner” . Who says that shit? Then I didn’t have enough money to pay for said dinner, how was I supposed to know that Papa-Poochie-Ohs was so expensive? Granted I shouldn’t have had those shots of Baileys but it was thursday! I mean COME ON, THURSDAY!! Thats the day I drink Baileys on, my mom told me to be myself and thats exactly what I did. I had a few other things to drink. This is a list of the other things I had to drink.
Things I drank on my date with Shanodi
A list by Stephen Townsuurd Guglielmo
- half a bottle of wine (she drank the other half)
- Rum and coke (x2)
- Baileys (x6 in shot from)
- A “british Gentlemen” (a glass of rusty water with a splash of lime and a shot of 151)
- Pina Colada Margarita (only 1/2 because I spilled the rest on the waitress)
- Chocolate cake shot (x4, they’re just so damn good! Its like drinking a fucking cake!)
- Miller High Life (6 pack at my house)
So those were a few of the drinks that I had, the rest don’t matter because {SPOILER ALERT} I had the rest at my house by myself when the date was over. SO, after stumbled back down to my seat from one of my many trips to the bathroom to check if I had peed myself, she told me she had to go because her friend got hit by one of the Ride the duck tour busses after it had gotten done gassing up somewhere. I wanted to offer her a ride but puked in my mouth instead. I didn’t have time to go to the bathroom because I hated the taste of it so I spit it out in her doggy bag, all of a sudden she called me an asshole and I just said “hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Smoke weed every day” mostly because I love that song, who doesn’t like Snoopy Doggy Doggs? Either way, she left the doggy bag in my care which leads me to think that she trusts me and actually wants to try this again. I think she was just putting on a pissed off front because she doesn’t want to fall in love with me. I called my mom and told her about it and she thinks I should give her another chance.
