3:23PM is not a good time for a dinner date.

Last night I went out on a terrible date and I would like to tell you how it went.  Maybe I'll even tell you how it ended.  

   

          This paragraph is indented for no reason.  So as the sentence above said, I'm going to tell you about my date with Shanodi.   First off I’ll tell you that she doesn’t find it very funny that I called her Biscotti for the last half of the evening.   MOVING FORWARD, It was dog dicks from the get-go, apparently 3:23PM (Mountain Standard Time) is  “too early for dinner” .   Who says that shit?   Then I didn’t have enough money to pay for said dinner,  how was I supposed to know that Papa-Poochie-Ohs was so expensive?  Granted I shouldn’t have had those shots of Baileys but it was thursday! I mean COME ON, THURSDAY!!  Thats the day I drink Baileys on, my mom told me to be myself  and thats exactly what I did.    I had a few other things to drink.  This is a list of the other things I had to drink.

            Things I drank on my date with Shanodi

                      A list by Stephen Townsuurd Guglielmo

• half a bottle of wine (she drank the other half)
• Rum and coke     (x2)
• Baileys         (x6 in shot from)
• A “british Gentlemen”  (a glass of rusty water with a splash of lime and a shot of 151)
• Pina Colada Margarita   (only 1/2 because I spilled the rest on the waitress)  
• Chocolate cake shot   (x4, they’re just so damn good! Its like drinking a fucking cake!)
• Miller High Life  (6 pack at my house)

So those were a few of the drinks that I had, the rest don’t matter because {SPOILER ALERT} I had the rest at my house by myself when the date was over.  SO,  after stumbled back down to my seat from one of my many trips to the bathroom to check if I had peed myself, she told me she had to go because her friend got hit by one of the Ride the duck tour busses after it had gotten done gassing up somewhere.  I wanted to offer her a ride but puked in my mouth instead.  I didn’t have time to go to the bathroom because I hated the taste of it so I spit it out in her doggy bag,  all of a sudden she called me an asshole and  I just said “hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,  Smoke weed every day” mostly because I love that song, who doesn’t like Snoopy Doggy Doggs?   Either way, she left the doggy bag in my care which leads me to think that she trusts me and actually wants to try this again.  I think she was just putting on a pissed off front because she doesn’t want to fall in love with me.   I called my mom and told her about it and she thinks I should give her another chance.

Stephen Haw King.

Today I feel like my world has been turned upside down!  Do you know what this is like? When you love someone and then you Google their name and come to find out that not only does he know an ass ton of equations but he also kicks it with the comedian Carrot toppe (see picture above)!  I've always been a great admirer of Mr. Stephen H. King.   His lectures on science and the scary books he writes have affected my life in SO many ways.   I consider myself to be a pretty cool cat,  but this guy sets the bar so high that I need to go to the store and buy some step ladders to reach it.   Is this the most accomplished man alive?    I think so.   Not many people know this about him but  did you know he can levitate?!?   What?  No I'm not joshin'  you I have a picture to prove it!

What a king among men!  Just look at his assistants surrounding him, their eyes filled with jealousy and concern.  You can imagine what they're saying to him "Mr.King, please!  You've never hovered for more than 30 seconds!  We need to run more tests to make sure that it's safe"  to which I'm sure he replies "Don't touch me you fucking bastards!  What do any of you peasants know about my work. Fetch me my jello shot!".   

Gorillas don't wear Hawaiian shirts

A young writer named Jaff Jeffery Kellogg (played by Mr.James Franco) moves to Florida to get away from it all, but he soon finds out that the grass isn't so green on the other side.  His new roommate Kimpatsu is not your ordinary bro.  Besides his insatiable heroine addiction he's also a fucking gorilla!   this movie really builds up tension because Jaff has always had a fear of gorillas and you KNOW Kimpatsu is going to have to tell Jaff sooner or later that he is, in fact, a fucking gorilla.  This movie is a roller coaster of emotions.  They laugh, they cry, they maul and in the end you really get the feeling like you've learned nothing at all.  Because you wont.  Gorillas don't wear hawaiian shirts and seldom do they fold their arms in a laid back fashion.

is this the title of the whole blog or just the title of what I'm about to "blog" rite now. fuck it. it's the title to something

ok, I'm gonna start to blog,  NOW.    GO.    

OK, this started a while ago.   I would go into the bathroom to see hornets and be all like "Oh shit...a hornet".   Then it turned into "OH shit....hornets".    I think you get where I'm going with this.
Last night was the second attempt to get rid of them while drunk.  Neither time went well.   I think they've become conditioned to fight when I turn the vacuum on.      

  Last night we drank at Lil Red Hen....or Red Hen, maybe it was Lil Hen.  I don't know, either way it was a fun time. Drank more than I needed to, made an ass out of myself in front of this cute girl I know while trying to ride my bike in a straight line.  It could've been worse,  Zach went a different route home and hit a parked car with our friends bike and the peddle broke off.   But she didn't see that so fuck me still.  Once I got home things didn't improve.  we'll I guess we ate steak.....but that's besides the point.  Zach was all "let's kill those fucking hornets"  and I was all "YEEEEAH! Lets chill those fucking kornets".   seemed like a good idea at the time so we got on some gear (P-coats and scarves and bandanas) and fucked their shit up.  What I mean when I say "fucked their shit up"  is that we banged on the vent until they came out all furious/judgmental and we tried to suck them up with a vacuum.  We laughed until Zach got stung......then we got serious with it.....and broke the light in the hallway.

So now it's morning.  We have to do damage control because our bathroom is littered with hornet corpses and there's glass in the hallway.  OH and Zach got stung again.  What the fuck is that?  Who does that?  You know what sucks more than being hungover?  being hungover and getting a hornet sting.  Here's a list of things that make my hangover worse.

                      


                  LIST #1:  Things that make my hangover 
                                    worse
                                                        


                                               A list by Stephen Tiberious Guglielmo



        1.)   Movement.
        2.)   Shrill sounds.
        3.)   Hornets.
        4.)  When I try to scroll through a window on my mac and it freezes instead of scrolling.
        5.)  That little spinning beach ball thing that my mac shows me when it's thinking too hard.

           LIST #2:  Things that make my hangover 

                                       better

                                                         

                                            Another list by Stephen Tiberious Guglielmo

         1.)   Good smelling things.

         2.)   Things that are soft.

         3.)   Hot showers.

         4.)   Good music like:  Boris with Merzbow.  Earth and  Ghengis tron.

         5.)   Soup.

         6.)   Making lists of things.

Ok, we're done with lists for now.  In fact I'm done blogging...I'm gonna eat some Soup in the shower while I listen to ALTAR.